My GOALS for 2018: Organization + Planning as a Mum and Artist (Part 2)


Goal #3 Improve our marriage

This is a sensitive point. However, I don’t want veils, I don’t want to ignore what is happening and I want to face this problem eyes on eyes (is this the way we say it?)

Changes in a relationship with the arrival of a child.

Like anything else in life, changes improve or worsen what was previously acquired. Some couples feel that it was the perfect decision to intensify their love by bringing a child to this world; others lose all tolerance, patience, attachment and affection for each other, drained by the arrival of a little human. A simple cry that can throw the house down gives us a new perspective on what love is.

Alice's arrival made me a woman. I’m absolutely sure of that. An adult woman, with the sense of responsibility, the weight of having a new being to look after and the consideration every initiative, every decision, every step requires.

And he... He was my Prince Charming until our daughter arrived. He was the one who never bothered, the chilled-out sort of guy who told me I was beautiful even on the worse acne attack, a proper laid back fella that I fought for each time we were less... well. He was the one I wanted to live with, growing older and happier and wiser. Forever.

What else could break that spell?

Then a newborn landed on my arms after four days in hospital, our love quickly cracked and I found myself alone at home with a newborn because he decided to do night shifts. In a new house, a new city, a new baby, alone night after night, no help at all or begging for my parents to come and sleep with us.

Looking back, almost three and a half years now, I have no doubt that giving him the "reins" of our life (because I was so besotted for being a first time mum to the most hairy, grumpy, unhappy and loud little creature) was the worst mistake of my life.

I dragged myself down and I shouldn't.

I kind of 'unpromoted' myself and I shouldn't.

I thought he had enough time to learn from our previous experiences and way of living.

Wrong.

I thought my role was being a mum only.

W-r-o-n-g!!!

We were never that unhappy, frustrated, depressed and with such tied budget since I decided to offer him the ‘keys of the household’.

If you, couples out there, disagree with all this, let me congratulate you: You are lucky!

If the arrival of a child came to unify you, let me confess: I must envy you somehow, but at the same time I am incredibly happy to know the theory applies, the theory I thought would apply to us too.

It didn’t.