After a lot of discussion about the blogs topic and my position/intention about them, there's one thing I cannot deny:
I have to remain transparent and trustworthy to myself and with myself.
What does this mean? It means I think I've ended my dilemma regarding a blog and what to do with one.
I had a blog when I moved to London. But it was not quite what I wanted.
That commitment to 'feel' like an immigrant, talking about tourism, monuments, what I ate yesterday in Camden Town or the torture that was shopping at Primark in Oxford Street on a Saturday didn't tell me much.
I had another blog where I shared slightly the first few months of my experience as a first time mum.
It was a 'light sharing' because in 2014 confessing that I felt close to a postpartum depression would be mocking, confessing that I felt shattered by spending 5 nights a week alone with a newborn would make me look weak, being about to divorce my husband who worked nightshifts, slept the whole day and ignored us completely would make me an ungrateful bitch, and it almost seemed that I should feel ashamed for not being able to breastfeed.
But the mother's milk is the best one, my dear. You should insist!
It was not quite what I wanted either, especially since it was fashionable to do some scribbles in the kids' faces so no one could recognize them. So why even share the photos?
(By the way, I've transformed that experience of being a first time mum into a personal project to turn it into a printed memoir just for me. Isn't that cool?)
And now, I have a blog on my website, where I share my work and the work in progress of my small handmade business, together with my lifestyle struggles.
Although it seems almost mandatory to have a blog devoted to my artistic project - What I sell, how to handle with "made-to-order" requests, what best techniques to use, etc etc etc - I know the commitment to write (at least) once a week (and pulling my hair to come up with ideas to fill the online schedule while biting my nails and smashing my face on the screen in a desperate attempt to make an insipid phrase flow beautifully) is something from the past.
Forcing content is not my thing, people, it never was.
Firstly because my life is not so fascinating that I can transform it into an book online.
Secondly, forcing content and working under pressure reminds me very clearly those University times back in Portugal where the obligation to write theoretical works about the teacher's theses (what they wrote for their Masters and PhD's and that they later managed to transform into a class for a whole semester for the second year of the Painting course... Or the Design course... Or whatever.
With that being said, since I'm not photogenic, since I'm a mum and I have a girl that I love but I never got that hit of motherhood that made me claim and breath the popular 'baby smell!' - it all sort of prevented me from being a momblogger or so. Also, since I cannot have 52 beautiful themes and tutorials such as "How to do a greeting card in 3 hours", I conclude that to follow recipes I just follow the cake ones.
However, there is one thing that always stays here, it doesn't matter which turns life gives, the ups and downs we face today and every week or every month: But I love writing!
What if I simply wrote down what I wanted? Giving freedom to myself to spread words around and let the chance intersect them? Whoever wants to read, feel very welcome and for those who doesn't, go look elsewhere for something else, as we all do!
Talk about what I want, being spontaneous, sharing what I feel comfortable about and if it's to clog the internet, let it clog when I think it's worth from my behalf and not only because yes, or because I must, or because it is on schedule.
Am I wrong? Help me please!
In the meantime, hope you're all having a lovely week so far. We are having heavy rain today... Guess Autumn is introducing himself...